the great beyond

so now aside from the one big decision (which has basically been made btw) there is a very real possibility that this summer will help cement exactly what I will be doing for the next 5-10yrs. Just so you know I am afraid of commitment and the thought of settling into one place scares the crap out of me.

also (boys)

i still get the butterflies. Damn. It.

also (boys)

the new neighbor downstairs is beautiful. i will have him.

and i called him stuckey

yesterday as i was driving through TWU and i saw a turtle stuck in the street. I pulled to the side so I wouldn't hit it and pulled into the parking lot to go and rescue the little sucker. I was able to pick him up and walk him back to the pond (not without the little jerk peeing on my shoe a little). I named him Stuckey because...you know, he was stuck.

also (movies)

saw the red band trailer for Stepbrothers and it was just okay. Aside from some f bombs it basically looks like the same trailer. I'm less excited about this one.

latest

so you know how i had that horrible habit of falling for the wrong people? Well i did it again and it is proving harder to get over than i thought it would be. I'm straddling the line between completely ignoring him and trying to keep up the pretense of a friendship. Neither are working for me. This is of course complicated by the big decision not yet made. There are the random moments though when I'm not forcing myself to sound light and breezy and I'm just talking to my friends however that is usually followed by the, he is so adorable crap and I'm back where i started. fuckity, the old me would have danced him out of her head and spent a few weekends being a make-out slut however that is not me anymore, I've matured I'm older and wiser so.....i'm guessing there will be a few listening to sad song nights in my future. again, fuckity.

uninspired title

I need to change the title of my blog...musings....wtf was i thinking

a whole bunch of nonsense

So not only do I have this huge decision to make, but I kinda have to make it soon. While it is true that I have received some great advice for the very few friends I have confided in, I still can't bring myself to actually sit down and think about what I am going to do. I fill my head with thoughts of work and my trip to NYC this summer, heck I even think about cute boys that work in my building, all to avoid sitting down and really deciding what I am going to do. I spoke to my therapists and I am getting the feeling that she thinks I am avoiding thinking about it because I already made a decision. She thinks that the moment I realized a decision had to be made, i made it. I think she is right.

I must also say here and out loud that the era of Crys and Vin is over. It is weird to even think that let alone type it out. While even I allow myself, on occasion, to get swept up into our story it is time to move on. Geez there are countless films that tell us the story of the girl and boy who knew each other inside and out, where friends forever, that despite all of the ups and downs found their way back to each other. Well this is a little true, I imagine that Vin and I will always find our way back to each other however I also know that we will always allow ourselves to be torn apart again. The truth is I don't know if this is the 'master plan' I do know that it would have all been different if we had made different choices early on. It seems that at the most we are willing to really fight for us when there is the possibility that we will be out of each others lives completely. The big problem in us learning to live with just being friends is that it is going to take a lot of getting over time. And by getting over I mean a break, we need distance and to be out of each others lives for a bit. That is the hard part. I just want us to be able to skip the the getting over part and just be friends, that is ridiculous I know. So instead I will work this summer, work at getting over him. Thankfully I have big things on the horizons to keep me from dwelling on him for too long.

Now the topic I really must talk about, a little over a month ago my neighbor not so subtly informed me that she was able to hear my overnight buddy and I. Know what i'm saying? We were loud. Anyway since then I swear she has tried to be just as loud as I was that night. In the past three weeks I have heard horrible 90's 'do me music' and muffled moans coming from her place. The thing is I've lived next to this girl for two years, and those entire two years she has had the same boyfriend, this never happened before. I will admit I have on occasion heard a boys II men songs coming from her place in the middle of the night but now all of a sudden its like hey look at me I'm doing it and its hotter than when you do it. Anyway it would be extremely funny if it wasn't cutting into my sleep time and now the bitch must die. Or I guess i'll just live with it for the next month or so, seeing as how I am pretty sure I will be moving to a different apartment this summer.

Forgive how all over the place this post is. I'm a little all over the place right now.

Take 2

There was a time when I actually blogged on a fairly regular basis, not only that but I pretty much let it all hang out. I had sex, you knew about it. It was a revolving door of boys, classes, jobs, family crap, and just general musings. I made friends all around the world and really felt as though I was a "community blogger." When Ross died they were there for me in this incredible way. There were also the days when I just posted little quip or funny link, the point was that it was regular.

Then I left, I got this amazing internship after which I planned to take a semester off to help take care of a family member who was having major surgery. My one semester off turned into two years and my entire life changed. Having a sister who works in a nursing home I had thought of what it would be like when the tables are turned and I would be in the position where I had to take care of my parent. I never thought that would happen when I was in my early twenties. Let me make a long story short, it changed everything.

Since then I've come back to school got the BA and am now working on the MFA. I have kept up with my Journal writing the last two years but aside from the very rare myspace blog post I have not actually had a full blog in a long time. So why have I come back? Because I need too. While journals have always been a constant in my life I realized with the earlier blog that i really felt as though I was getting things off my chest. Well I have a lot of things going on right now and I hope blogging can be on outlet. So........take 2!