It has been a rough week. Work is kicking my ass and I'm learning that when things die down on the academic side the admin side gets crazy busy, fun times for me. Sound stuff has become very intense. The screening is this Saturday and unfortunately due to the film production's various setbacks we are pretty sure that not one film shown will be a finished product. Still I'm excited to see what these guys have done so far. I will be glad when the stress of those deadlines is over. Saturday can't get here soon enough.
On the personal front things have been just as intense, Vin came over for dinner and it was...awkward. I guess the main issue is that he finally confessed that he had begun seeing someone. For those without the background; we have known each other our whole lives, dated for a really long time, i broke up with him, got back together years later, he broke up with me, had a fling a few months later, and I broke things off for the last time. Well of course with that kind of history it makes sense that a little tiny part of me always thought the cycle would begin again. The last few months things were really good. I was dealing with issues with the last guy I was seeing and I was really able to talk to Vin about it. Then his mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. We were all stunned and are still struggling with this news. She is undergoing a double mastectomy in two weeks and Vin asked me to be there with him while the family waited for the surgery. I agreed. Then things started to shift. Hanging out became much more intimate. Instead of catching an afternoon movie it was dinner and a movie followed by long talks in coffee shops. A week ago I had to tell him that I still had feelings with the recent boy. As a friend he was upset, especially since he had been privy to many tearful conversations about the relationship. But there was something else. He was hurt. As I tried to distance myself from both of the guys I began to feel as though we could get past it and continue our friendship but then he tells me he is seeing someone new last night. That alone didn't upset me it was the way he framed the news. He basically told me I wasn't the only one who had other prospects. We ended up eating dinner mostly in silence.
I honestly don't know what he wanted, maybe he wanted me to be mad or jealous or tell him that I was still in love with him. I didn't do those things because I am not mad or jealous and I don't love him anymore at least not in the way he wants me to.
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