My Madrina died yesterday. She was also my mother's cousin and her mother (my great-aunt) was my surrogate grandmother (my grandmother passed away when I was very young). She had been a little sick for a long time and then really sick for a few weeks. Still it's hard. Mami (which is what everyone called her, even my mom) and I didn't always get along, she took her godmother role very serious. Obviously the fact that I not only left the catholic church but all religion hurt her but despite it all I know she loved me. As a girl who still deals with her biological father abandoning her and her older sister also leaving her at a young age, I almost felt like a collector of family members. I felt I had lost so much at an early age I created this network of family and friends that I held so tight to and constantly checked up on. It takes a special kind of messed up to be worried about dying alone at 12yrs old but that was me. Mami never left me even when I rejected everything she believed in and for that I will always be grateful.
While my beliefs have not changed I have to admit that for her I hope I'm wrong, for her I wish god (any god) swooped her up and took her to that palace in the sky where the faithful get to spend the rest of eternity in bliss.
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