Every time I have tried to start a new blog post I have had to stop myself. It seemed like all I wanted to do was rant. But then again what is the use of having a blog if you can't use it to rant. Feeling all around pissed at life. The boy is sucking big-time and I am dealing with it like acting like a child and just ignoring it...how old am I again? The family is going through some major heavy stuff (mostly about my sister and her decision to stop taking her anti depressants). Work is like one giant WTF? Part of me is happy that everyone is so caught up in their own crazy that they just leave me alone. Have restarted the "get the hell out of Denton" fund. When Jen and I let go of the house next June I hope to be leaving the state. I'm so tired of everything I am hoping a new city will give me the jump I need to make other positive changes.
The family stuff is especiallydepressing because of all of the secrets I keep from my family. John is an Alcoholic and it has really effed with his life, so I keep my mouth shut about my own almost weekly "get drunk off my ass" nights. Sis is dealing with her depression so I help my mom get new referrals and every book under the sun to help her out. I would never tell her that if anyone in the family was in danger of driving off a cliff it would probably be me. And as always there is the guilt from my mom, I know she tries to keep in check now but I still see it in her eyes every time I mention moving far away.
The boy situation is ridiculous, I honestly don't know what to do about it anymore. You ever have those moments when you find yourself asking "who made you this way?" that is basically me all the time. I'm so busy paying for all the other shit in his life that is upsetting him. Rather than deal though I'm just ignoring the problem for now. Lets see how that works out for me...
The shining light is the puppy, the fantastic Xander! He is a great pup with lots of energy and love to give. Will post pics soon.
Hope things turn around, I mean they have to right?
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