Running

I always loved running. You wouldn't know it by looking at me now but as a young girl I was a cross country runner. I loved it. In fact I wasn't just part of the school team I was part of a CC after-school team and qualified for the national IAAF race (which determines the team that will represent the country at the international) and at that race I placed 26th. Which meant I was a long way off from making the team but I was at one point the 26th fastest CC runner in my age group. I stuck with CC until High School when I broke my arm. It wasn't a simple break. The arm was broken in 3 places and the breaks were far from clean. So while some people spend a few weeks in a cast I had to go through 4 different types of casts for 6 months. I had pins and screws in my arm and was told that it was "the best they could do." It sucked so hard. It happened at the beginning of the school year so I missed out on playing Volleyball and I was unable to train for the upcoming season. So by the time my cast finally came off it was February, and I was no where near being in shape. Yes compared to most kids I was just fine but I took my training very seriously and not running my usual 5-6 miles a day was torture. So I made the decision to not run at all that year, not even in track and field. I had a fantasy of me training through the spring and summer and wowing everyone the following year. Seriously I heard "Eye of the Tiger" in my head. But then I didn't. I'm not sure what actually did it but running wasn't fun anymore. I had a boyfriend and I realized I could not run 6miles a day and I wouldn't turn into a giant blob so that summer I put off running. I would find something else to do. I was already out of shape so the prospect of working through the pain was pretty unappealing. So instead of running 6 days a week I told myself that 3 times would be fine to start and I would work up to more. I also turned an hour long session into 1/2 an hour. Pretty soon I was putting it off for an entire week at a time. I formally quit the team that fall.

I didn't think to much of it when I left for college. Sure I had graduated H.S wearing pants 3 sizes bigger than when I started. But still I was a size 7 and didn't sweat it too much. Cut to 10 years later and I can barely recognize myself in pictures. And of course every few months I get an exercise itch but it usually fizzles out and I never feel that excitement. I didn't feel happy running anymore. I'm happy to say that has changed.

A few weeks ago I started walking/jogging and something was different. Maybe it is because of the boy stuff, the family issues or job stress. Whatever it was I felt better about things after I worked out. Now I am still pretty out of shape so I have resisted over doing it but I am committed to walking/jogging at least 5 times a week for an hour. On the weekend I am lifting weights and doing lunges in the backyard. Of course the events of the last couple of weeks but things on hold. I did attempt a mildly rigorous routine after my hospital stay and I paid for it dearly. But I am still walking and I have added 30min to my time until I can start jogging again. The good news is I have a running buddy. My first night out a few weeks ago I literally ran into a guy as I ran around a corner. We have become friends and even though he is in amazing shape he has started working out with me. We don't talk about it but I suspect that he is getting in his real run in the mornings now. I didn't tell him about the pregnancy, I mean how do you bring that up with a new sort of friend. "Oh hey I won't be running this week, I found out I had an ectopic pregnancy and my life is spiraling out of control." I did tell him this weekend though and it felt good. So we started back up again and I am walking everyday and hopefully will get back into running soon.

I can feel it again, the happiness.